Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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