Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
