I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
