After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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