I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
