I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
