Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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