remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
