There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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