Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
why is half of my head shaved?
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