why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
