when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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