Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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