well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I've blown a few things in my day
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
