i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
