He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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