I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
