So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
