can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
