Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
