a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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