Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im having a threesome with these popsicles
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
