he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
