Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
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