So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
