I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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