well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
