i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i drank out of a bidet.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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