That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
