last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
