Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
