New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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