My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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