it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so explain again why im purple
no
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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