I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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