I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
