Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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