you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
