He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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