Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
