I accidentally had phone sex last night
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
