I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Semen is not good for contacts.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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