i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
