I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
