Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
