i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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