toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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