Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
