Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Randomize
