Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
