can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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