im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
